Parking Lot Prayers

The same month God shared so much truth about the word "promise", my fertility specialist shared that as far as he could tell at this time, there was no reason I shouldn’t be pregnant. When a world renowned doctor looks at you as a big fat question mark, one big fat thought floods your mind: Something isn't right.

I don't remember the walk from the office to my car, but I remember the weeping once I closed the door. I let out every emotion on God: Something is definitely wrong. I am broken. Why can’t my body just work right? Why are you delaying God? I want You to come through and deliver on Your promise, Father. Save us from spending all our resources on this! Remember me, remember me!

The questions and anxiety wouldn't leave my heart so there in that parking lot, I called my husband James and cried through explanations as he tried his best to comfort me. He was actually in agreement with the doctor's advise on next steps and in some ways, that began to calm me down.I then called my mom and texted my Mattress Firm sisters who each stormed heaven with me. One reply in particular had the fighting words I so desperately needed:

Doesn't God always show up in the seemingly impossible? He knows your need. He knows your lack of funds to pursue answers from man's wisdom. Could it be that these are the exact conditions that will reveal His glory better and bigger than any other way? He has given a world-class expert the opportunity to tell you nothing is physically wrong that he can see. Now God gets to do His miracle so He will get all the credit!

This text cut through the noise and lies the enemy was taunting me with. And so many other encouraging texts followed to help me keep my eyes fixed on God, and on His promise. Thank You, Lord for meeting my cries with powerful and re-energizing comfort.

I kept studying the word "promise" throughout the scriptures and the Lord brought me back to Romans again.

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. (Romans 4:20-21)

These words from Believer's Bible Commentary are as powerful to me today as they were when I first came across them:

The apparent impossibility that the promise would ever be fulfilled didn't stagger Abraham. God had said it; Abraham believed it; that settled it. As far as the patriarch was concerned, there was only one impossibility, and that was for God to lie. Abraham's faith was strong and vibrant. He gave glory to God, honoring Him as the One who could be depended on to fulfill His promise in defiance of all the laws of chance or probability.

Abraham didn't know how God would fulfill His word, but that was incidental. He knew God and and had every confidence that God was fully able to do what he promised. In a way, it was the most reasonable thing to do, because God's word is the surest thing in the universe, and for Abraham there was no risk in believing it.

Hallelujah! There is no risk in taking God at His word! Through studies like these, I was beginning to learn how to pray for and about God's promises to me. How to confidently approach Him for answers only He can bring about. My prayers were changing...

Father, thank you for the wisdom and guidance of these scriptures. This is new territory for me and it's great reading about how others dealt with the wait and the weight of unfulfilled promises. These reminders of Your graciousness and trustworthiness have encouraged so much. Reminders that I have a responsibility as well—to have faith, to keep believing, being persuaded that You have power to do what You promised. To seek Your face with all my heart, to determine to reflect on Your past interventions and faithfulness, and to pray boldly.

You are showing me so much. Thank You Lord. Let these words and thoughts marinate in my heart. Let them replace every ounce of discouragement. Where there is doubt, let it be snuffed out with the truth of Your word. Amen.

Later this month, James had a dream that left him filled with the Holy spirit and inspired to pray for my healing. While I slept he laid hands on my stomach and as he prayed, he felt movement and heard popping sounds. In the morning, through tears, he filled me in on the details of the dream. While I did not become pregnant, we have no reason to believe that God didn’t heal me of something that night.

The significance of moments like these was that, together, we were beginning to act and pray in FAITH.