Birthday Gifts from the Father Above
During October 2016, my grandfather started to become ill and as we slowly watched his life fading, I began to ask the Lord to let me to become pregnant in time to share the news with him. You know, just giving the Almighty my 2 cents on the matter. But I sincerely wanted to see my Papaw's face light up with joy at the news. Something sweet to savor before he left this world that's not his home. Plus, my birthday was approaching... Lord, You said "not yet" last month, but maybe You could give me the promise this month? A gift for Papaw AND me. You said to be persistent in prayer, right?
A series of only-God events filled my birthday week:
October 9: While leading worship, I left the stage to come down and pray for others needing a miracle or breakthrough. One of my prayer warrior sisters came to pray for me, for my womb, release, healing, every part to be made whole. That same afternoon, her daughter told me she felt an intense desire to pray for me while at a woman’s conference. That very night, another dear friend had a dream that we were hugging and crying because I was pregnant with a baby girl. When she texted me about it the following morning, I just cried tears of astonishment.
October 10: A friend who was more a stranger at the time sent me a message over Instagram and shared that she felt the Lord had told her to meet to pray with me. She was worried she sounded crazy since we'd never met before, but by this point, I was getting used to God weaving threads of hope into my life in various forms. We arranged a time to get together, but ended up seeing each other at a Lauren Daigle concert 2 days later. (See October 12th.)
October 11: My 37th birthday :)
October 12: This friend mentioned above shared a vision she had and asked to pray with me afterward. Laying hands on my stomach I heard her say, “Lord, I ask You to make every organ work properly in Candace’s body. I pray You will bless her patience and waiting. I pray for the health of this baby girl, that she would be strong and have a strong heart after You...” I started grinning uncontrollably and don’t remember what she prayed after that. When she finished she added, “I don’t know why I said ‘baby girl’ but just went with it.” I didn’t even tell her, but in my heart I was thinking: Ok Lord, this is twice now that there’s been mention of a girl. Maybe it's time to really start thinking about names for girls, Selah being first on the list, of course.
Now might be a good time hit pause and go back to this post for more details about this name. During the previous month of fasting, I had come across it and connected with it in a really special way. As you read on, you'll see how God makes no mistakes in the way He leads our hearts. When something is illuminated by the Spirit, there is great purpose in it.
I shared the birthday week events with my Mattress Firm tribe and one sister, full of faith, asked if our baby girl had a name. Laughing to myself I texted the reply: We have a few in mind, but I want to wait for God to help on the final decision before putting it out there. It's not like me to hold my tongue when I'm excited, but something did. I wasn't quite ready to give away the name I felt the Lord had impressed on my heart back in September. I wanted to see what He would do with it.
In the days that followed I began to study rest, walking in God’s strength, and what it means to cease striving. I was exhausted. The increase of God’s activity in my life over the past year had left me feeling dizzy, much like getting off a roller coaster you've ridden one too many times.
Life was moving right along, and the window to tell my Papaw the good news was closing. There were also exciting matron of honor duties for a sweet friend's upcoming marriage. So much to do, so little time to really think and pause and rest. I could feel the strain of it all.
On October 27th I went up to church to work on a music video for To Be Honest and popped into our pastor's office to say "hi" to him and his wife. They asked how I was doing and not knowing much about what had happened in our lives lately, I shared a few recent highlights about our journey and a possible baby girl from the Lord. My pastor noticed that I was feeling tired and asked if they could pray for strength for me. Powerful prayers by both followed and afterwards, he said he needed to add something. That I could take it and do whatever I wanted with it. He began trembling and tearing up as he choked out the words, "I think her name is going to be... Selah."
My heart was pounding so hard as I gasped in shock, stood up, and then fell face down on the floor weeping. The only person I had uttered this name to was my husband, James. Total surprise and bewilderment overwhelmed me. I can remember crying out, "Thank You, Jesus" over and over again.
After a moment, I pulled myself together and a realization crossed my mind. I fasted through September to become pregnant and even though Lord didn’t give us our baby (for another 3 years), He gave us her name. He did honor my fast and my obedience to seek Him. He always rewards those who diligently seek Him. Not only did He confirm we would have a girl one day, but He named her.
Selah Joseph. The second sweetest name I know.
If you haven't had the chance to go back and read this post, I want to share that Selah is a word found all throughout the Psalms that means: wait, rest, think on this. It’s the pause in the singing. The interlude. Considering the season of pause and reflection we're in right now across the globe, I can't help but sense an intentional kingdom connection here. I am carrying our Selah in a worldwide Selah moment. There is revelation waiting to be revealed, but I'm letting this thought marinate for now and hoping for the Spirit's breath upon it. Maybe... another post for another day. For now, I pray Selah's story refreshes your faith in a God who sees you right where you are and is working it all together for your good. He doesn't slumber or sleep in keeping a watchful eye on you and every single detail of your story. So maybe take a deep breath. Take a moment to lean in and listen. Perhaps in this season you couldn't see coming or you wish would end, He wants to birth in you something more beautiful than you ever imagined.